Filthy Rag Righteousness

From Isaiah 64:

4Since ancient times no one has heard,
no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.

5 You come to the help of those who gladly do right,
who remember your ways.
But when we continued to sin against them,
you were angry.
How then can we be saved?

6 All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

7 No one calls on your name
or strives to lay hold of you;
for you have hidden your face from us
and made us waste away because of our sins.

8 Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.

9 Do not be angry beyond measure, O LORD;
do not remember our sins forever.
Oh, look upon us, we pray,
for we are all your people.

This Scripture so describes humanity -- week, failing humanity. I was raised in the holiness tradition which prepared me very well to be a pious, righteous person who worked very hard to remain as flawless as I could be. And since I am a black and white thinker, I was good at it. I avoided all the pitfalls of most people's adolescence --- I never smoked, drank, did drugs. Was a virgin at 32 when I married (I know, i know TMI). I didn't even dance and I didn't go to a movie until I was 18. I picked up all the "rules" handed on by my parents, but I somehow missed their spirit of forgiveness and acceptance of those who did not toe the mark. In retrospect that part of them has always been very clear, but I didn't catch it.

So instead of the pitfalls of those nasty outward sins, I fell into others -- gossip, being judgmental, un-forgiving, and not at all gracious. I would spray my opinions about others sins all over them, feeling I had to point them out, and in the process lost many friends. I learned that if you draw a line in the sand, it immediately becomes a circle, with the other person on the outside. If the line stays drawn, they eventually walk away.

But as I have matured I have found myself, though still outwardly avoiding most addictions (not quite overcome food yet, for example), I have recognized those inward sins that line me right up with the rest of the world. And in recognizing that my own "righteous acts" are like filthy rags, I can be freed to receive grace and to offer it to others.

Realizing I"m human has not been easy. Putting myself in the same category as those I spent years feeling I was better than has been humbling but very necessary. And yet it is very freeing to recognize that my own acts are not my salvation. To see God as the potter, and me as clay, often unyielding, stubborn and hardening until God sends something my way to soften me up and help me be more moldable, is the best way to move forward.

Isaiah's plea is one that goes unanswered in this particular passage, but we know from Scripture that God did not remain angry with us forever because of our sin. He sent Jesus. And now we are all products of that grace -- not holy because of our own doing, but righteous in HIS sight because of Christ's death.

Mold me, potter God, that I might become more of the person you want me to be.